MBTA Transit Police: Protecting their Budget through Theater

A common site around The Hub of the Universe these days, at least if you ride the MBTA, has been Bostons newest comedy troupe: The MBTA Police. Their theater productions are a free service provided by the T, in an effort to make you feel better about the previous and coming new fare hikes.

Their performance this past week at the Charles/MGH station was particularly moving. They brought in a paddy wagon, a dog, an "itemiser" (explosive & narcotics detector), around 6 police officers, and a sign to inform people that they did not have to submit to the detector, but would be asked to leave if they did.

The vast majority of people just walk right through with no issue. It does increase congestion and make a big scene, as they always schedule their performances for the times that will inconvenience the largest number of people.

All this inconvenience is, of course, quite expensive. However, in the war on bogeymen, we must be vigilant. You see, this is a very important security measure for the MBTA. You see, if a person with large amounts of drugs or explosives was about to get on the train, and saw the fearsome "Itemiser" awaiting him, he would clearly not turn around and walk out of the station, providing him with at least maybe an hours inconvenience as he hails a cab, walks to the next subway station, takes the bus, or tries again tomorrow.

Clearly we must salute the MBTA police for a security policy so capable of protecting us from terrorists and drug dealers, at least ones who are both lazy and incompetent. It would easily thwart an attempted coordinated attack as one of its operatives at one station might have to abort his mission. Terrorists who don't have cell phones would be crippled!

We should also consider what terrible fate might befall us without this program. Without 6 officers and a dog standing around for 4 hours, they might not have anything to do at all for those 24 man hours. That might even lead to the MBTA police budget being cut, and who wants that?

The MBTA police theater troupe should be given commendations for their amazing work protecting their budget and doing their part to justify fare increases across the T. Bureaucrats everywhere should take a lesson here in how to scope creep your department like a freebasing megalomaniac.